It's more terrifying than beautiful lately because one or two memories I dearly want to bury keep bursting out like explosions. My heart is pounding, and my throat is thick. 

I knew the world didn't revolve around me, but every time I caught a glimpse of optimism that I could become someone important to at least one person, I was seduced and yearned to be the one. But, sweetheart, life was not working out for me.  

As a result, I resolved to protect myself by surrounding myself with a high, impenetrable wall. I imagined that building a wall brick by brick would bring me calm, even if it would be lonely. But, sweetheart, life isn't working out for me. 

Pushing everyone away and failing to acknowledge their help not only leads to loneliness but also leads me astray. I really don't want to get wounded, but it appears that the cost is prohibitively expensive. I've gone too far; the path I've taken appears blurry and I'm on the verge of despair. Now that I've become unmotivated, I shamelessly wish for the will to live.

Why do I need to think in such a convoluted way when all I need to do is scream my heart out? Haih..